Sexual Health & Incontinence

We’re all different in our approach to sex. While some people see it as an opportunity to bond with their partner, others have it purely for pleasure and fun.

Research shows that sex can boost your mood and improve your quality of life. However, sex can be a challenging subject for people with incontinence. Incontinence is a common problem and it can affect your sex life and lead to feelings of embarrassment and insecurity.

This article discusses how incontinence affects sex, whether sex can cause incontinence and how you can prepare for sex despite incontinence. Learn all you need to know with Attends.

Incontinence & Sex

Experiencing incontinence during sex can be embarrassing – but it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s usual for people with incontinence to experience some leaks during sex, and an understanding partner will be supportive.

The pelvic floor muscles support your bladder and bowel. However, sex can put extra pressure on your bladder, and if your pelvic floor muscles aren’t strong enough, urine can leak. With faecal incontinence, pressure on your bowels can also cause involuntary faecal matter or flatulence.

Some people with incontinence may also have trouble reaching orgasm. There could be several reasons why this may occur, for example, the inability to relax during sex because of the risk of leakage.

For all of these reasons, incontinence can impact your sex life, resulting in a reduced desire for intimacy. But it is possible to work through it together.

How much will I leak during sex?

Doctors usually prescribe diuretics (sometimes called water tablets) to reduce blood pressure by flushing out excess water and salt from the body. However, diuretics increase urine production to do this, so you may need to use the bathroom more often.

Sometimes, taking diuretics can lead to overflow incontinence, where your bladder becomes too full and you leak urine. At other times, it can result in urgency incontinence, where you must urinate suddenly and urgently – and, occasionally, don’t make it to the bathroom in time.

You might also develop stress incontinence due to having more urine in your bladder than usual. This means you leak urine when exerting yourself through coughing, sneezing or exercising.

Does sex cause incontinence?

Sex may not be the underlying cause of your incontinence, but it can trigger it. The extra pressure on your pelvic floor muscles, bladder or bowels can all lead to involuntary leaks.

You may feel sudden urges to urinate or need to urinate more often if you have an overactive bladder. Feeling the need to urinate very suddenly can be tricky during sex, and you might worry it will ruin the mood. So, communication with your partner is key. It is important to remind you partner that you may need to stop if you feel uncomfortable, and work through this together.

Some people find an association between their incontinence and other sexual dysfunctions such as difficulty maintaining erections, premature ejaculation and vaginal dryness (often linked to menopause, which can also link to incontinence).

However, your doctor, sexual health nurse or continence nurse specialist may be able to help.

Preparing for sex when dealing with incontinence

Having incontinence doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel attractive or desired. Preparation is one way in which you can feel better about your condition during sex.

Here are some top tips that can help you feel more ‘in the mood’ and desirable even when living with incontinence:

Having a bath or shower beforehand will help you to feel fresh, as well as helping to improve your confidence. Wet wipes can also help to gently cleanse the skin, leaving you feeling clean and confident if you’re worried about odours.
Wear something that makes you feel sexy – you’ll feel much more confident.
Light some candles and play some music to set the mood.

As well as creating a comfortable environment, other actions can help manage your condition and make you feel confident:

Tell your partner about your fears and anxieties about incontinence during sex. Honest, vulnerable conversations can bring you closer together and alleviate your worries.
Empty your bladder before sex to minimise the risk of leakage and allow you to relax and enjoy yourself.
Try to avoid food and drinks that irritate your bladder, like caffeine and alcohol, in the hours leading to sex.
Performing pelvic floor exercises regularly to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles and reduce the risk of leaks. Pelvic floor exercises are also crucial as a weak pelvic floor can affect anyone.
Use protective bed sheets or have a towel on hand in case of leaks. Our Cover-Dri surface protection underpads can be helpful, as they’re absorbent enough for leaks and their quilt design provides additional comfort.
Different sexual positions may reduce pressure on your bladder, so trying something new can be more than just fun.
Men could try a specific device called a variable tension constriction band, which goes around the base of the penis before sex. It helps to maintain erectile function and compresses your urethra (the hole where urine leaves the body) to stop leakage. Before using this, always seek medical advice as there may be other options more suited to your needs.

What if I have faecal incontinence?

Anal intercourse is a common practice among both heterosexual and homosexual couples. However, faecal incontinence, including flatulence, can significantly impact sexual function, with some individuals experiencing lower sexual satisfaction due to the potential for accidental bowel leakage during sexual activity. Engaging in anal intercourse may exacerbate the issue by overstimulating the bowel or even causing severe constipation, which can make sex painful. If this happens, it’s important to see a doctor.

The best thing you can do is go to the bathroom and empty your bowels before sex. Drink plenty of water and eat a well-balanced diet to promote regular bowel movements. If faecal incontinence does occur, stay calm, talk to your partner, and discuss how you both can handle it if and when it happens.

Your doctor, continence nurse, or sexual health nurse can help you explore ways to treat the cause of the incontinence, such as medication, diet, pelvic floor exercises, and aids or devices that may help manage the issue.

Managing your incontinence with the support of Attends

It’s vital to remember that you can effectively manage incontinence. However, if you’re still concerned, you should always seek your doctor’s, continence specialist’s or sexual health nurse’s advice, as they can offer tailored emotional and physical support.

At Attends, we know that sex and incontinence don’t often go hand in hand. However, with the proper support and preparation, you can get back to having an active sex life – even when living with incontinence.

Discover our range of incontinence products for men and women to help gain more confidence in the bedroom and during your everyday life.